a dose of sea

What are you most afraid of in life? I've been asking myself that for a few days now.
I used to be super spiritual, it was something that happened to me, not something I went looking for. It was a time in my life when I was peaceful and happy only tragic things kept happening. The death of a childhood best friend, followed by the death of my little love, Ryan. Then came an accident, and another one.
I began asking why and answering the questions myself. I began taking hikes in the woods with my best friend Ricky, who, at the time, was bursting with this bright aura. This light. He showed me how to speak without words, how to listen to the silence. He taught me to believe in the universe and what it brought to me.
We'd go snowboarding late at night, we'd go to the beach when the moon came up. We'd listen to the waves and not say a word for hours. I'd leave his side believing he knew exactly what I was thinking.

But I realize now I've gotten so far from there recently. Partly because I'm afraid, partly because I'm so busy. However it's the most powerful source of happiness for me. I need it back. I need to find it again...